Fishing Jokes-- Remember fellas this is a G rated site!

[JimLyons]

This guy is walking down the road carrying two twelve plus pound largemouths when he runs into the Game Warden. The Game warden says "Where did you catch those hogs?" The fisherman says "Why, I caught them in that old quarry up the road." The Game Warden says " I have been a Game Warden here for thirty years and there ain't no bass that big in that thar quarry. Now tell me again where did you catch em'?" The guy responds " I tell ya I caught em in the quarry. I'll be back here tommorow at 6 am and if you meet me here I'll prove it." The next morning he meets the Game Warden and takes him to the quarry and pulls an old wooden boat out of the bushes. They get in and the guy rows out to the middle of the lake and reaches in his backpack and pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and throws it into the lake. KABOOM!! A 14 pounder floats up to the top and he nets it. The Game Warden is furious. "You can't do that, it is illegal" The guy reaches into his backpack grabs another stick of dynamite, lights it and hands it to the Game Warden and says "Are you going to talk or fish?":king:

[Joe Heater]

A guy was fishing at Banks Lake. He came off the lake and loaded up his boat. The game warden stopped him and asked to see his fish. There the guy had 3 Walleyes over 24 inches. The game warden said you are only allowed to keep 1 over 24 inches. The fisherman replies that he only kept one, the other two were his pets that he uses to lure more big fish to his hook.

THe game warden was like you can't be serious. He said ya, I send them into the water and they swim around until I hook a big one and then they come up with the fish I got on my hook. I scoop them up and put them in my live well and call it a day.

The Game warden couldn't believe this and the fisherman asked him if he wanted to see it first hand. THe game warden said that he would love to see such an event. SO the fisherman took out two of the big marble eyes and put them in the water and away they swam.

The Game Warden after a few minutes asked how it takes for the fish to come back. The fisherman replied, "What fish?"

[Joe Heater]

Some cheesy but oldy and goldies are

I caught a fish so big I couldn't get his picture in the car.

[Joe Heater]

Two guys sitting in a boat fishing. A funeral lets out and are crossing the bridge. One of the fisherman stands up and takes his hat off. The other fisherman said, "wow, I had no idea you had such respect for the dead." The guy put his hat back on, sat down and said, "Well I was married to her for 45 years.

[cavdad45]

Two tourists rented a boat at the marina and after many hours found themselves on a big school of fish. Catching trophy bruisers right and left until the sun started going down. "Let's come back tomorrow and do this again!" exclaimed one of the men.
"Okay, but how do we know where the fish are?"
"I got it! Let's mark the spot and come back tomorrow."
"Sounds good to me" So the man pulls out his can of lure die and paints a big "X" on the bottom of the boat. "That ought to do it." And they headed back to the marina.
Half way back the other man says, "You Idiot! How do we know we'll get the same boat tomorrow!"

[Joe Heater]

I just got a brand new Lund for my wife. Best trade I ever made.

[Joe Heater]

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

[Joe Heater]

My dad told me this one a long time ago. Always laughed no matter how many times I heard it.

A little boy comes running in the house just drenched in tears from crying. His mom asked him why he was crying so hard.

The little boy said "Daddy and I were fishing and he hooked a monster walleye. I mean it could have been a state record. Then while he had it up to the boat I took the net and accidentally hit the line and it knocked the fish off."

The mother was a bit dissapointed. She said "a big boy like you shouldn't be crying about an accident like that. You should have just laughed it off."

The little boy replied, "But that's just what I did, mommy. Dad didn't think that was best attitude."

[cavdad45]

Give a man a fish and he will have dinner.
Teach a man to fish and he will be late for dinner.


Old T-shirt slogan "I Fish Therefore I'm Single"

[the1fishingpro]

You might be a fisherman if...

1) Your local tackle shop has your credit card number on file.
2) You name your black lab "Mercury" and your cat "Evinrude".
3) your names painted on a parking space at the launch ramp.
4) You have a photo of your 10 lb bass on your desk at work instead of your family.
5) You think there are four seasons--Pre-spawn, Spawn, Post Spawn and Hunting.
6) You think MEGABYTES means a great day fishing.
7) You trade your wife's van for a smaller vehicle so your bass boat will fit in the garage.
8) Bass Pro Shop has a private line just for you.

[the1fishingpro]

A man was on the water for his weekly fishing trip. He began his day with an 8 pound bass on the first cast of the day and a 7 pounder on his second cast. On his third cast he had just caught his first ever bass over 11
pounds when his cell phone rings. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the hospital ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best day ever on the water. He decided to get
in a couple more casts before heading to the hospital. He ended up fishing the rest of the morning finishing his trip with a stringer like he'd never seen with 3 bass over 10 pounds. He was jubilant.Then he remembered his wife!! Feeling guilty, he dashed to the hospital.He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted "You went ahead and finished your fishing trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out enjoying yourself on the water, your wife has been suffering in the
ICU! It's just as well because it will more than likely be the last fishing trip you ever take"!"For the rest of her life she will require around the clock care and you
will be her caregiver forever"! The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed. The doctor then chuckled and said "I'm just pulling your leg.
She's dead, what'd you catch?"

[JimLyons]

I had this friend who lost his arm in a terrible logging accident when he was only 24. But he went on to live a very full life. he was a skier and a skydiver nothing slows him down, Why last week I took him fishing and I'll be darned if he didn't catch a fish this big. ( Hold up just your left hand.):cheers:

[cavdad45]

A man was on the water for his weekly fishing trip. He began his day with an 8 pound bass on the first cast of the day and a 7 pounder on his second cast. On his third cast he had just caught his first ever bass over 11
pounds when his cell phone rings. It was a doctor notifying him that his wife had just been in a terrible accident and was in critical condition and in the hospital ICU.
The man told the doctor to inform his wife where he was and that he'd be there as soon as possible. As he hung up he realized he was leaving what was shaping up to be his best day ever on the water. He decided to get
in a couple more casts before heading to the hospital. He ended up fishing the rest of the morning finishing his trip with a stringer like he'd never seen with 3 bass over 10 pounds. He was jubilant.Then he remembered his wife!! Feeling guilty, he dashed to the hospital.He saw the doctor in the corridor and asked about his wife's condition. The doctor glared at him and shouted "You went ahead and finished your fishing trip didn't you! I hope you're proud of yourself! While you were out enjoying yourself on the water, your wife has been suffering in the
ICU! It's just as well because it will more than likely be the last fishing trip you ever take"!"For the rest of her life she will require around the clock care and you
will be her caregiver forever"! The man was feeling so guilty he broke down and sobbed. The doctor then chuckled and said "I'm just pulling your leg.
She's dead, what'd you catch?"

That's got to the best one I've heard in years. Get this boy a WL.com Fishing Joke plaque.=d> =d> =d>

[Mike Carey]

yup, from a guy in the medical profession, I second that.

[A9]

The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one trooper.

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens shouted.

The troopers looked at each other.

One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which do you want to hear first?" Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?" ; The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness crabs clinging to her."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again tomorrow."

[Derrick-k]

A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden. Immediately, one of the boys threw his rod down and started running through the woods like a bat out of hell, and hot on his heels came the Game Warden.

After about a half-mile the fella stopped and stooped over, with his hands on his thigh's to catch his breath, and the Game Warden finally caught up to him.

"Let's see yer fishin' license, boy," the Warden gasped.

With that, the fella pulled out his wallet and gave the Game Warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," said the Game Warden, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!"

"Yes, sir," replied the young feller, "but, my friend back there - Well, he don't have one."

[leahcim_dahc]

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LOL!! I laughed my butt off at those jokes!! I am sure the wifey wouldn't see the humor in it though.


Chad

[the1fishingpro]

A blonde wanted to go ice-fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally, after getting all the necessary "tools" together, she made for the nearest frozen lake. After positioning her comfy foot-stool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly ---from the sky--- a voice boomed, "THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!" Startled, the Blonde moved further down the ice, poured a Thermos of cappuccino, began to cut yet another hole. Again, from the heavens, the voice bellowed, "THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!" The Blonde, now quite worried, moved way down to the opposite end of the ice, sat up her stool, and tried again to cut her hole. The voice came once more: "THERE ARE NO FISH THERE!" She stopped, looked skyward, and said, "Who are you --- God?" The voice replied, "NO, I OWN THE ICE-RINK!"

[the1fishingpro]

One day a man came home and was greeted
by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie.

"Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want."

So, he tied her up and went fishing.

Pleasure is where you find it!

[iPodrodder]

Lovin' it. You do deserve a joke plaque.